Communication services for non-English businessmen

Editing sample by Vasant Davé

Vasant Davé has taken a letter written by an Asian businessman and edited it below:

Original letter by an Asian businessman

Dear Sir,

First of all, please accept my sincere thankness shared the wonderful and always world-wide useful informations given daily.

As members might know how to click and save his/her own search business resources on issue of China, there are also abundant business and/or, industrial informations. But all those are not yet translated from Chinese into English version. On this point, I am willingly of the opinions to inform all those requistive "directory" to the members by e-mail who wants to know in depth of informations. Once again, all those directories are published in Chinese version only. I will translate all those into English version and service of your each business brain resources. But please understand in your mind that there might be cases to be shouldered the cost by requistive person(s). I mean for example, one thousand page contains costly for bunching documents. Pre-estimation of cost will be advising then to have e-mail approval back.

In addition, I will be always happy to translate your business ideas or web or your name cards into Chinese version by native Chinese businessman.

Yours truly,

The same letter edited by Vasant

Dear Sir,

I thank you for sharing universally useful information in your daily bulletin.

Abundant information on Chinese business and industry is available. However you cannot access all because substantial portion of it is not yet translated from Chinese to English. I would suggest relevant directories to group members for detailed information on business-related subjects concerning China. Many of them are available only in Chinese. I could translate them in English for the benefit of your business. Should you desire, I would submit a quotation.

Your business ideas, web pages and visiting cards carry more weight with Chinese businessmen when they appear in their own language. I shall be happy to translate them for you.

Yours truly,

Address to our valued client:

While the original is rather a horrible piece of communication, the edited version shows how even that could be made more powerful and effective with proper handling.